One last time- A Phanfiction
by brb.im.fangirling.again
Summary: Dan and Phil are living together and Phil has to keep Dan from making a big mistake... But will he succeed?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one-Anime and deep chats

"So thanks for watching guys give the video a thumbs up and I'll see you in the next video." Phil said smiling and enthusiastic as always. He turned off the camera and sighed with relief another video filmed for the channel. Suddenly Dan walked in holding the remote and repeating "Death note" over and over. "Alright, alright make the popcorn I'll set up the t.v." Dan skipped off to the kitchen whilst Phil dragged his exhausted body to the living room, he wanted nothing more than to sleep. But Dan wanted to spend time with him so he didn't argue. Dan came into the lounge holding a bowl of popcorn and with a grin on his face. "All set up?" Dan said.

"Ready to go." Phil said, trying to sound awake though he knew it was pointless.

"Good good." Dan said jumping onto the sofa next to Phil. As the Death Note episode came to an end Phil cuddled into Dan and drifted off into unconsciousness.

When Phil awoke he was in his own bed lying next to Dan hearing his heavy breathing, he was asleep. Phil drew back the covers and he was still fully dressed save for his shoes of course. He got up and walked towards the kitchen to get a drink. Feeling tired again Phil returned to bed but when he got there Dan was awake. "Sorry did I wake you up?" Phil said apologetically.

"Yeah but it's okay." Dan replied sounding very tired.

"Oh sorry." Phil said stepping into bed next to him.

"Hey Phil can we talk for a while." Dan said although he was really tired.

"Yeah of course what's up?" Phil asked concerned, Dan only talked to him this late if it was important or urgent. "Nothing much just not feeling to good." He replied turning over to face Phil. "What happened?"

"Just everything is getting too much ya know YouTube, meeting fans, our tour, the book. Don't get me wrong you know I love our job and our fans are the best, but it feels like there is always a lot of pressure on us to be more, to make everyone happy." Dan said biting his lip trying not to cry.

"I know Dan but you don't have to put that on you, it's not your responsibility to please everyone. That's impossible, just focus on what makes you happy and proud, the phandom loves you for you, don't try to be someone you're not." Phil said, he always knew just what to say to make Dan smile again. "Thanks Phil, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'll never leave you Dan," He paused, "I love you, don't you forget that." Phil said and even though they said it to each other all the time, this time he knew that Dan really appreciated it. "I love you too Phil." Dan replied and turned back over, tears rolling down his cheeks as he knew they both meant it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two-The museum

Phil woke up and the clock next to his bed read 10am and Dan wasn't in bed! Did Dan really get up before the 'pm period'?! He got out of bed and changed into a blue shirt and black jeans, then went to the kitchen to get cereal. Dan on the sofa watching Downtown Abbey with a bowl of cereal, so engaged with what was happening that he didn't notice Phil come in. Only when Phil closed the cupboard rather loud did he acknowledge him. "Oh hey Phil didn't hear you come in."

"Yeah you were to engrossed in Downtown Abbey to see." Phil said, saying 'Downtown Abbey' in the poshest voice that his northern voice would allow. "Shut up give it a chance, it's actually really good." Dan said defensively.

"Alright, alright don't let me ruin you're downtown experience." Phil said with a smirk. Dan muttered something under his breath but it was inaudible. Phil jumped next to Dan and ate breakfast beside him, not really paying much attention to the t.v. "So what do you wanna do today?" Phil piped up.

"Don't mind did you want to do anything?" Dan replied not taking his eyes off the t.v for a second. "I was thinking we could go to the museum maybe." Phil said this caught Dan's attention. "Why?" Dan said puzzled.

"Well we've never been so I thought maybe we could look around." Phil said, though that wasn't really the reason. He was trying to cheer Dan up, he was hoping that some fans would be there to show Dan how much everyone cared. "Sure when do you want to go?" Dan said turning his attention back to Downtown. "Around lunch maybe so we can eat out?" Phil replied trying to make sure they were out as long as possible.

"Okay we'll watch something else until then." Dan said whilst flicking through the channels.

"All set to go?" Phil said, cheerful as always.

"Yeah let's go" Dan said walking down the stairs looking happier than he did last night. The pair made their way down the streets of London towards the museum. They'd made it ten minutes before someone from the Phandom spotted them. The girl was around fifteen years old and had long blonde hair, she was wearing a Fall Out Boy shirt and had the biggest smile on her face. "Hey guys, can I get a selfie with you?" She asked took her phone out. "Sure." said Phil as he saw the smile on Dan's face grow.

"Thank you so much, I love you guys so much you make me laugh even on bad days."

"Thank you having fans like you guys makes everything worth while." Dan said, and Phil could hear the genuine sincerity in his voice. They took the selfie with the girl and continued walking to the museum. When they got there another group of girls saw them and shouted something along the lines of "OMG they're so dating." Phil grabbed Dan's arm and pulled him inside, he wouldn't let some remarks from strangers ruin their day. "So what do you want to do first?" Phil asked.

"I don't mind.. whatever you decide." Dan said clearly phased by what the girls had said. "Come on don't let it get to you." Phil said putting his arm around him.

"Can we eat first please?" Dan said, a smile beginning to form.

"Sure." Phil replied, anything to keep him happy. They found somewhere to eat and sat down towards the back to avoid being spotted, so they could talk in peace. "What do you wanna see first?" Phil said.

"Don't mind let's just wander around, I don't know where anything is." Dan said obviously happier that it was just him and Phil for now. "Okay sure thing, so how's your week been?"

"Fine I guess just contemplating the meaning of life," Dan said laughing at his own joke. "How about you." He said between mouthfuls of a cheese sandwich. "I'm contemplating whether or not I should scold at you for having a cheese sanwich." Phil said earned a laugh from both of them. "I'm done anyway should we go and look around?" Dan said.

"Okay let's go then." Phil said, beginning to get up. They headed towards the dinosaur section on floor two. "I can't believe these giant creatures once walked the earth that we now do." Dan said in awe.

"I know it's amazing." Phil said they both looked at each other and laughed.

"Yeah it's amazing Phil." Dan said still laughing.

"I know Danosaur!" Phil replied making them both laugh harder.

After spending all day at the museum they decided to head home. "Thanks Phil." Dan said out of the blue when they were walking home. "For what?" Phil said modest as ever.

"For cheering me up, I really enjoyed today."

"Anytime, I'm always here for you." Phil said and looked over to see Dan grinning sheepishly. As they turned round the last corner to their apartment Dan said: "And I'll always be here for you too." He said it and he knew that one day he might regret saying it but right now, in this moment he meant every word.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Phil woke up and turned over and expected Dan to be lying there next him snoring softly, but he wasn't. He called out Dan's names. No reply. Phil started to panic then realised he was probably just out shopping so he walked into the kitchen to see if he'd left a note, he had but not the kind Phil expected. It read:

Dear Phil,

I'd just like to say I'm so sorry for what I've done and I hope you don't blame yourself, as you have helped me most in these times. As you know I have been feeling down for a while and I know you've noticed cause you've tried cheering me up, but I just can't stand it here. And I don't mean with you, I love it with you, you saved my life Phil. I mean it, I love you Phillip Michael Lester. That's why I have to leave you incase I hurt you. That's what I do to people, just know I love you now and forever.

Yours always watching over you,

Dan

Phil's hands were shaking as he read Dan's note, tears rolling down his face. He screamed out "How can this be fair." He ran into his room and saw him hanging there lifeless, all colour drained from his face, his beautiful face. Phil fell to the ground hands on his face and shaking his head, crying uncontrollably. What had happened to his precious Dan?

/

Phil opened his eyes and he felt tears on his cheeks. He sat up and screamed out "DAN? DANIEL HOWELL WHERE ARE YOU?" He was crying and his voice sounded croaky, he sounded broken. Dan came running into the room with wild eyes. "What? What? Phil is everything ok-" Dan said, and then noticed that Phil was crying. He walked over and sat next to Phil. "What happened baby?" Dan said putting his arm around Phil. "I.. had a nightmare.."Phil said choking on his words. "You were gone.. you.. you were," Phil said, "Dead." He whispered, barely audible tears streaming down his face. "It's okay I'm here, I'm here and I'm never leaving." Dan said squeezing Phil tight. Phil sobbed into Dan's neck whilst Dan stroked his hair and repeatedly whispering "I'm here, I won't leave."

 **Sorry this chapter was short just wanted to post :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four- The Park

It was the morning after Phil's nightmare of losing Dan and he was realising how much Phil really cared. It is was quite a scary thought, having someone who loved you and needed you. Dan turned over and saw Phil lying awake, the clock read 11:00am. "Hey Phil." Dan said rubbing his eyes. "Hey, do you wanna do something today?" Phil said clearly avoiding what happened last night. "Sure, just not the museum." Dan said and laughed remembering their day out. "Agreed, how about something more.. Private?" Phil said.

"Like the park?" Dan said, liking the sound of a day with Phil entirely to himself.

"Sure, sounds great, we'll eat then go." Phil said sitting up.

"Can we go later? I want to film a video today." Dan said.

"Yeah okay we'll go after dinner then." Phil said whilst putting on a shirt.

"I look forward to it." Dan replied with a smirk, not that Phil could see him anyway.

/

"Bye guys click here to subscribe and click the links in the description to follow me on all my social media, okay bye guys!" Dan smiled and switched off the camera. He glanced at his computer screen and the time read 7pm. He headed towards the kitchen and smelt a glorious smell, it was pizza. "Phillip Michael Lester you did not make me pizza!" Dan called out. "No your right I cooked it!" Phil replied laughing at his own joke.

"Whatever you dork." Dan said smiling and picking up the pizza.

"Ah-ah that's to share." Phil said "I can't be bothered to make two." Phil smiled and laughed again. "Okey dokey, we going out after this?" Dan said, he'd been looking forward to going to the park with Phil all day. "Yes of course we'll just eat and go." Phil said clearly excited to go too. A few minutes later and they were ready to go. "Dan? You coming?" Phil called out from the doorway. "Yeah coming!" Dan replied emerging from round the corner pulling his coat over his shoulders. Phil noticed Dan had changed into something nicer to go out in, he admittedly had done the same to impress Dan. "You look nice." Phil said smiling, Dan was wearing black jeans and an anime t-shirt. And Phil himself was wearing black jeans and a blue shirt. "You too." Dan said putting his arm around Phil, and they both walked out the door. Once outside a wave of cold air hit them and already Dan could feel his feet start to numb. "Alrighty which way?" Dan said.

"Just up there." Phil said pointing in the general direction of the park.

"Okay, how was your day?" Dan asked.

"Boring I had to do this thing called going outside," Dan gasped playing along. "I know it was horrific!" Phil exclaimed. They both laughed and breathed out a mist cloud. "How was your day?" Phil asked.

"Good, I filmed a video earlier should be up for tomorrow morning." Dan said.

"Cool, oh cross here." Phil said, pulling Dan's arm.

"Are we there yet?" Dan said, sounding like he was eight years old.

"Just here." Phil said and they walked in through the gate to the park. All around the entrance there were luscious leaves and purple flowers hanging down. In the middle of the park there was a circle with benches on the outside and a flower garden on this inside. Almost everywhere you looked there were bright colourful flowers and tall dark trees, the petals shining in the moonlight. "It's beautiful." Dan said admiring the park. Phil looked over and smiled at Dan who was staring in awe. "Almost as beautiful as you." Phil said and saw Dans smile widen. They stood there for a while gazing into each others eyes, longingly. "Dan Howell have I ever told you I love you?" Phil said.

"You might've mentioned it once or twice." Dan said smirking.

"Well I do, I love you now and forever you know that right?" He said suddenly serious.

"Of course, and I love you too Phil Lester," He paused, "Love eyes Lester." Dan said.

"Heart eyes Howell." Phil replied, his expression softening. Dan took Phil's hands into his and leaned in too Phil and whispered. "Would it be okay if I kissed you right now?"

Phil whispered back "It would be more than okay." Dan closed the gap between them and felt Phil's soft lips against his. Dan brushed his hand up Phil's back and curled his fingers in his hair. He felt Phil's hand gently touch his cheek as he tried to make the kiss last longer. Eventually Dan broke the kiss and said "I think we should head back it's getting cold."

"Yeah you're right I'm freezing too." Phil said trying to mask the disappointment by looking at his feet. They had never really kissed before tonight, they'd always said they'd loved each other but never acted upon it. "Are you okay?" Dan asked noticing how suddenly quiet he was. "Yeah I just want to stay a little longer that's all" Phil said shuffling his feet.

"We can stay a while if you want, there's a bench just there." Dan pointed at the bench circle. "I'd like that a lot." Phil looked up at Dan. The pair walked over and sat down on the closest part of the bench. Phil rested his head on Dans shoulder and gazed up into the stars. "It's a beautiful night tonight." Phil said.

"Yeah it is, ever noticed how the stars shine brighter on dark nightS?" Dan said.

"Huh, I guess they do." Phil replied and closed his eyes.

"Are you sleeping?" Dan asked.

"Hmm? No just resting my eyes." Phil said innocently.

"Come on time to go home." Dan said getting up.

"No, stay." Phil said yawning.

"Come on, I'll carry you if I have too." Dan threatened playfully.

"Okay then." Phil said, arms outstretched. Dan bent down and Phil jumped onto his back.

"This is a terrible idea!" Dan shouted laughing.

"Hush I sleepy." Phil whispered, nuzzling his face into Dan's neck.

"Sorry baby." He said running his fingers through Phil's hair.

"S'kay, love you Danny." Phil said and closed his eyes.

"I love you too Philly." And with that Dan stumbled back towards home and he felt like the happiest luckiest man alive.

 **A/n Hey guys felt like you deserved a nice chapter after my last update so here you are, hope you enjoyed it.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five- The Truth

It was the day after his and Dan's evening at the park and Phil was sitting on the sofa, retracing every moment in his head. "What you grinning at?" Dan called out.

"Oh nothing, just remembering last night." Phil said smiling even more now that Dan was here.

"Oh yeah? And what do you make of it Mr Lester?" Dan said smirking as he walked over to sit with Phil.

"I thought it was," Phil struggled to find a word to best describe their night, "Magical!" Phil exclaimed. "Way to be a drama queen." Dan said laughing.

"Hey I'm trying to be romantic here." Phil said pouting his lower lip.

"Ah well you better try harder then." Dan said jokingly.

"If you're hinting at making you pizza then it's a no Dan it's like 10am!" Phil laughed.

"Haha, hilarious. You see this is why I am the funny one." Said Dan, full of sarcasm. In that moment their eyes met and Phil could see that Dan was smiling but his eyes looked full of pain. "Are you alright Dan?" Phil said his tone suddenly serious and Dan's smile faded.

"Why'd you ask?" Dan said, clearly hiding something.

"You just seem like you're not quite here." Phil said sounding sympathetic.

"I mean I'm fine, we were just having a laugh only five seconds ago." Dan said again avoiding fully answering the question.

"Dan, I don't buy it. What's up you know you can tell me anything." Phil said trying desperately to find out what Dan was keeping from him. "Please Phil I can't, cause if I do you'll know everything. Please let it go." Dan said his eyes beginning to tear up.

"I can't Dan, I care too much about you." Phil said his voice sounded soft and understanding.

"I know, but I," Dan brushed a tear away, "It's just hard." He couldn't hold in the tears any longer. "I can't do it anymore Phil." He said and collapsed down onto the sofa in a bundle of tears.

"Hey it's okay Dan, it'll all be okay, shh now, don't cry, I'm here, you're okay." Phil whispered stroking Dan's back as he lay next to him. They stayed that way for a while until Dan sat up. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves and sniffed a few times before speaking. "Phil I need to show you something, and I don't want you to freak out or be weird about it okay?" Dan said with his head down. "Yeah I promise, what is it?" Phil said getting nervous. Dan took a deep breath and he rolled up his sleeves revealing row upon row of cuts. Phil could only stare in disbelieve, how could he not have known? He looked up at Dan and saw him biting his lip trying not to cry. Phil was lost for words, he could't believe Dan had gotten so sad that this was his only solution. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Dan." Phil mumbled over and over. "I should've been here more, I should've been a better boyfriend…" Phil trailed off and looked away from Dan.

"Please don't blame yourself, I did this, it's my fault not yours." Dan said. Phil turned back to face Dan and he saw they were both crying now. "I just, please don't do this to yourself Danny." Phil said and hugged Dan tight. "Please don't do this, I love you." Phil said running his hands through Dan's hair. "I'm sorry Phil I am." Dan said pulling Phil closer.

"Don't apologise, just promise me you won't do it again." Phil said nuzzling into Dan's neck. Dan hesitated, he didn't want to give Phil false hope. "I promise." Dan finally said. He knew he shouldn't have said it but there was no way around it. He just hoped Phil wouldn't be mad when he finds out he was lying.

/

After Dan had confessed his secret to Phil, Phil realised that he needed to do something for Dan. Something special and memorable. He was stuck for ideas, then it hit him. An idea that was perfect. They were madly in love, it was the right time, they're young and so why the hell not. ' _I'm going to propose to him._ ' Phil smiled at the thought. ' _I'm going to propose to Dan Howell'_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six-

Phil walked down the streets of London at 7am (so Dan wouldn't notice he'd gone) heading for a ring shop he'd found directions to online. Whilst walking he noticed how busy the streets were considering it was 7am and a Saturday, he suddenly remembered that the phandom may see him in the ring shop. He just hoped that no one would be awake at this time as he wanted this to be a secret. Phil rounded a corner and in front of him stood the ring shop, there was no one inside except for the lady at the till. "Hi I'm Lydia, How can I help ya darling." She said flashing her pearly white teeth. "I.. er…um I'm looking for a.. ring." Phil stuttered, he couldn't believe he was doing this. "Well you've certainly come to the right place sugar, what's the occasion?" Lydia said gesturing towards the case of rings. "Well.. I'd like some.. er.. wedding rings please." Phil replied.

"Great! Who's the lucky girl?!" Lydia said directing Phil over to the wedding ring section.

"Well..actually it's um.. a lucky.. guy." Phil said smiling, thinking of Dan.

"Oh, right. Sorry I um," She trailed off "So do you know what ring size you need?"

"Oh sorry I er.. don't know, I guess he has the same size as me if I can get two the same." Phil said genuinely unaware 'ring sizes' were a thing. "Ok that's fine, so have a look and tell me if you see any you like." Lydia smiled and walked back to the cashier. Phil walked around the case filled with rings, they all looked more or less the same to him. He saw one that caught his eye, it was a silver ring with several infinity signs linked all the way around and had gems encrusted in it. "Hey Lydia how much is this infinity ring?" Phil called out.

"Hmm? That one? It's £130 today," Lydia said, "Would you like to buy one?" She asked

"Two please." Phil said he couldn't believe he was buying a wedding ring!

"Great so that's two infinity rings, it'll be £260." Lydia said. She opened the case with a key and took out two of the rings. "Are you paying with card or cash?" She asked.

"Card." Phil said getting out his wallet. He typed in his pin and smiled when he saw two boxes with 'his' and 'his' written in gold on the case. "Thank you." Phil said sounding sincere.

"Anytime, have a great day." Lydia said smiling as Phil turned and left. He walked down the streets back to their apartment and he actually laughed out loud. He'd just bought two rings for their wedding! Their wedding! He wasn't sure how to propose. When would be the right time? Who were they going to invite? Where was it going to be? Who would be their best men? Well he knew the answer to that last one, it would have to be Chris and PJ, no one knew them better. He looked down at his watch 7:14 had he really spent that long out? Oh well, not like Dan would be awake yet anyway. He rounded the last corner, got out his keys and entered their flat, to his surprise Dan was awake. "Oh thank god, where have you been?" Dan asked he seemed worried.

"Um.. Out." Phil said trying, but failing, to hide the bag behind his back.

"What's that?" Dan asked obviously noticing Phil's fidgeting.

"Oh this? Nothing." Phil said rushing to get to their spare room (Phil's old room before they started sharing a room) he hid the bad under the bed and walked back to see a very puzzled looking Dan. "Seriously what's up?" Dan asked.

"Nothing, why are you up?" Phil said avoiding the subject. Dan's expression softened.

"I had a nightmare and when I woke up you weren't next to me." Dan said looking at the floor.

"Oh, sorry Dan I, it was just something I needed to do." Phil said trying to be as evasive as possible.

"You said you'd always be with me." Dan said it so quietly Phil hadn't heard him.

"You said you'd always be with me!" Dan said louder, almost shouting.

"I'm sorry Dan I just-" Phil started to say.

"You promised!" Dan shouted this time Phil knew this couldn't have been just a nightmare.

"Dan I… What happened?" Phil stammered, he hated being shouted at.

"This is what happened." Dan pulled up his sleeves and revealed rows of new cut on his arms.

"I had no one Phil, you are the only one I have now, I was planning on.." He trailed off obviously regretting getting angry. "I was going to kill myself Phil. Do you know what that's like? To hate yourself so much that you want to die. You feel worthless and everyday is a constant battle. Do you know what that's like?" Dan was crying now, his voice breaking every so often. Phil didn't say a word. He just walked over to Dan and hugged him. He whispered "It's all going to be okay, I'm here now." Dan pulled away.

"What about when you're not here? What do I do?" Dan said through his tears.

"Think of me, just remember I love and always will." Phil said embracing Dan again.

"I love you too, I'm sorry for taking out my anger on you." Dan said.

"It's okay, I promise I won't leave again." Phil said finally pulling away.

Dan smiled and nodded. "Come on let's have a nice day, I have a surprise later." Phil said wiping a tear from Dan's face. "Okay, can we stay here and watch netflix?" Dan said then added "No chill." Both of them laughed. "We can do anything you want today, can you promise me something?" Phil said. "Anything, what is it?" Dan asked.

"Don't do this to yourself anymore." Phil said and began to tear up when he looked at Dan's scar covered arms. "I promise never ever again." Dan said and he truly meant it.

"Thank you, now lets go watch some Downtown!" Phil laughed as he saw Dan's face light up with excitement.


	7. Chapter 7

The Big Question

It was the morning after Dan's break down and today was the day Phil was going to propose to Dan. He hadn't felt this nervous before in his life ever. Phil was going over what he was to say and where and the possible outcomes. Phil sat next to Dan on the edge of his bed gazing lovingly at him. Eventually Phil got up to get dressed into his suit. He planned to propose where they'd first kissed; on an evening out they'd had . He planned to take Dan to the same restaurant but he'd tell him that it was a fancy dinner so he'd dress up and think nothing of it. Phil checked his watch; 3pm. Wow Phil thought last night had really exhausted Dan. Phil decided to wake Dan now so they had time to get ready and get there. "Hey Danny. You awake?" Phil gently shook Dan's arm. Dan groaned from underneath the covers. "Hey Dan we're going out somewhere nice and fancy tonight. Well in a couple hours really." Phil said his voice soft like butter. Dan mumbled something like "What time is it?" So Phil replied "Just gone three." Dan groaned louder and attempted to sit up. Dan's hair was curly as it always is in the morning. Phil smiled at the sight of his beautiful boyfriend. "Shoo, be gone. Leave me to wake up." Dan grumbled and flopped back down. Phil laughed at Dan's horrible attempt to wake up. Nonetheless Phil got up and left Dan to get ready.

A few minutes later Dan emerged wearing a suit slightly too small for him, the last time he'd probably worn a suit was the fancy dinner with Louise. Phil chuckled to himself remembering that evening. "Very handsome Daniel." Phil teased. "Not too bad yourself Phillip." Dan said clearly woken up. "You go on ahead and get into the car I need to grab something be one sec." Phil waited till he heard Dan close the door to run and grab the bag he'd hidden in a rush. He picked out the box containing the infinity ring for Dan. He smiled at the His & His cases designed for them. Phil turned to run out to meet Dan. When he got out the door Dan beeped the horn like a crazy person and Phil laughed at Dan's silly quirks. Phil hopped in the passenger seat next to Dan and put on his seat belt just as Dan sped off. "Where are we going then Mr Lester?" Dan asked mimicking a taxi driver voice. "Toward Yauatcha Mr Howell." Phil replied casually hoping Dan didn't realise the significance of the place. "Ooooh very fancy." Dan made a face of a posh person which set Phil off laughing. "What's the occasion?" Dan asked. Phil froze completed unprepared. "Um.. Just thought we needed a night out." Phil said thinking of an excuse. "Oh how nice of you Mr Lester." Dan said and the rest of the journey they remained in silence.

"We're here." chirped Dan. The car pulled up and Phil got out. He jogged over and opened Dan's door for him to step out. Dan smiled at Phil gratefully. The pair walked into the restaurant and Phil reached out to hold Phil's hand and Phil slipped his hand into Dan's as they'd done a million times. Phil's heart was pounding in his head he felt like he was going to pass out. He managed to make to the table they'd been seated at though the whole process had gone in a blur. Suddenly he found himself with a menu in hand skimming through his options. Dan spoke up all of a sudden. "I'll pay half or however much I get if it's worth more than half." Phil hadn't even thought about prices. "Thanks Dan don't let prices hold you back I can cover it." Phil smiled sweetly trying to hide his nerves. Phil planned that he was going to propose after desert, that's all he knew. "Are you ready to get starters and drinks?" Dan asked he was sitting next to him in a secluded booth. "Yeah I'm good." A waiter appeared behind them right on queue. "What would you like to order?" He asked and Phil noted his VERY British accent. Dan ordered something Phil couldn't pronounce and a cocktail. Phil just asked for some bread as a starter and he had the same cocktail as Dan. The waiter left and Dan was the one to break the silence. "Why did you really bring me here?" He said quietly. "I told you." Phil said casually his hand went into his front jean pocket where the box was and he smiled. Dan had no idea. Their starters arrived before Dan could reply. Phil was grateful he didn't think he could lie very well. "What would you like for you main course?" The waiter asked and Dan ordered something Phil didn't hear. He was too busy going over his speech. It would't be long until the big moment. Phil then ordered the first thing he saw that he recognised off the menu. "So, got any video plans?" Phil awkwardly asked but he just wanted to make conversation. "Is that like the YouTuber version of asking how the weather is when things get awkward?" Dan said which made Phil laugh, Dan could always do that. "I suppose so," Phil replied "But seriously now I'm curious."

"Well maybe we could do the boyfriend tag." Dan joked.

"Could you imagine." Phil said. "I think we might give a couple people a heart attack." Phil continued and they both cracked up laughing. The waiter appeared again with their main courses. "Wow that was quick." Phil said worried about how quick their evening was going. A few cocktails, laughs and a while later they had finished their main course. "Do you want a desert?" Phil asked trying to drag out their time together. "Yeah why not." Dan replied. Phil turned to call their waiter but of course he was already there waiting. **(a/n ba dum tssssh)** "Ready to order your deserts?"

"Yeah we'll share a cheesecake I think." Dan look over at Phil for his approval and Phil nodded back. "Okay I'll be back." The waiter said and left. "Holy moly It's 7pm!" Phil said. "Wow we take a while to eat." Dan laughed. Phil could hear his heart pounding in his head again and his palms were sweaty. It felt like a million degrees. He heard the familiar sound of the waiters footsteps behind him and Phil felt like he was gonna puke. Luckily he didn't. He had recited the words so many times it was practically drilled into his brain. Their cheesecake was finished in a matter of minutes and Phil knew now was the time.

Phil got down onto one knee just as Dan was getting up. "Phil what are you doing?" Dan asked nervously, everyone was staring at them. "Daniel James Howell, I've known you for god knows how many years now. I fell in love from the moment we met. No one else has made me laugh or cry more in my life. I'm so grateful to have met you." Phil pulled out the ring box and opened it revealing the infinity ring. "You stole my subscribers and now I'm stealing your last name." Phil laughed as a tear fell down Phil's face. "Daniel James Howell. Will you marry me?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- The Big Question Part 2

"Daniel James Howell. Will you marry me?"

*The day before*- Dan's p.o.v

Dan had decided that today was the day he would tell his parents about him and Phil. He had finally plucked up the courage to come out.

Dan sighed and got up to find his keys, they were on the kitchen counter. He took the longest possible route to his parents he could. But eventually Dan pulled up to their drive way and stepped out his car.

Dan took his time walking up to the door and knocked twice. It had been a while since Dan had last seen his parents and his heart was pounding. What would their reaction be? Would they reject him or except their son?

The front door swung open and Dan's father stood in the doorway. Dan smiled weakly and his father yelled for Dan's mum which made Dan wince. His father turned his attention back to Dan and grunted. "Are you gonna come in or not?" Dan silently entered his old home and sat on a chair in the lounge.

Finally Dan's mother appeared and joined his father on the sofa directly opposite Dan. "Well. I... um... have something to tell you." Dan stuttered. His parents barely acknowledged he'd spoken but wanted to hear the follow up.

"Well I might as well just say it. I'm in a relationship with Phil." Dan closed his eyes expecting the worst.

When he opened them his mum was crying and his father had a murderous look in his eyes. Dan's stomach dropped like a stone and he suddenly felt sick. "How dare you come in this house and make your mother cry. You fag!" His father screamed. Dan sat frozen with shock. "Get out! Get OUT! GET OUT!" He yelled. Dan suddenly felt tears well up and threaten to spill out. Dan quickly stood up and ran out. Leaving the sound of his fathers screaming in the distance.

Dan cried as he drove all the way home. He made a promise to himself that tomorrow he would end it all.

As soon as Dan got home he ran straight to his bedroom and locked the door. He realises Phil isn't home so he heads towards his box of razors. Dan pulls up his sleeve and makes the first cut. He cried as he remembers his promise to Phil that he wouldn't do it again.

Dan hears Phil enter.

*Morning of date*- still Dan's p.o.v

Dan gets dressed into a suit, Phil said to dress nicely. He winces when he sees his fresh scars. 'You could end it now or relapse. You deserve it.' Dan thinks. Then he remembers Phils words. "I love you and always will." Dan cries because he knows today is his last day alive. What better way than to spend his last day going on one last date with Phil.

*Present time*- still Dan's p.o.v

A thousand different thoughts ran through Dan's mind but he couldn't voice a single one of them. Dan stood, completely overwhelmed and unprepared. His fathers' words still rang in his head. "Get out! Get OUT! GET OUT. You fag!" His own plan to kill himself entered his mind. But he pushed all of those thoughts away now. All that mattered right now was Phil.

"Daniel James Howell. Will you marry me?" Phil asked anxiously.

After a long pause Dan replied with a simple;

"Yes."


End file.
